champagne and sweatpants

****caution: pictures of post-surgery breasts on this blog post***

5:30am comes real early--morning of surgery

It has been one week since my surgery where I had my expanders taken out and my silicone implants put in. If you have followed my journey you know that I had horrible post-op experiences after my bilateral mastectomy. As a result my apprehension going into last weeks surgery was above average. I also have been in continual pain due to the car accident which really doesn't add anything great to the pot. After my mastectomy I had two recovery nurses who ignored me, were extremely rude, and after I escaped that hell hole I was wheeled into my room, but only to be left there alone for 45 minutes (the actual time escapes me due to anesthesia but it was at least a half an hour) with no nurse, no family, no pain meds. I was a 26 year old who just had her breasts chopped off, pull your shit together people!

lines pre-surgery with my plastic doc

But this time around, what. a. difference. I had great pre-op nurses and I had mom and Scott with me, which definitely helps with the anxiety. Though my anxiety quickly turns into bitchiness, so it was probably more of a benefit for them to have each other to talk to because I tend to go off the deep end quickly with the crazinessand it is usually best if I can just focus on music or meditation (I tend to yell less). I was wheeled off to surgery, with NO tears in my eyes this time, just a belly full of nerves.

Here we go! Off to surgery!

I had a wonderful recovery nurse who was right there when I woke up, answered my drug induced questions and was kind. Kindness goes along way, I think people forget that sometimes. She had a sparkly necklace on and we had one hell of a conversation (or at least I thought I was making sense) coming out of anesthesia is not my strong suit....and the many episodes of Nip/Tuck I have been watching didn't help. There was an episode where a surgeon puts neuticles (testicle implants) in a show dog. Whoever would have thought that would be what came to me in my post-anesthesia stupor....well it did. But instead of telling the storyline I said that my husband had neuticles "you know, fake balls" (as I make a cupping shape with my hand). Awesome. Not my best moment, and the worst part? I don't know 100% if I said it or not, I may have just been thinking about it.......drugs are crazy.

Kerri, Mom, Scott--my immediate post-op crew

So I got wheeled into my recovery room and my mom and Scott where there waiting, my sister Kerri arrived soon after and my other sister Kristi and her fiance Nick later on in the day. I started out in a lot of pain, but once I was able to keep down pills my pain evened out and I ate food, took a walk, and spent time with my family. I had been planning on staying the night, because I worry about everything and was sure that I would end up with a blood clot that would spread to a lung. But by around dinner time I was feeling pretty good and my bed at home was sounding better and better. The less time in the hospital the better, so many germs and your risk of infection goes up, so I decided to be discharged. They called my plastic doc and he gave the OK. So home I went........

Done!!!!

family...the best medicine

Oh, but can I just bitch about the hospital's pizza oven being broken?!? I was excited for like a week to have one of their pizzas after surgery when I was given the ok for solid food.........and it was fucking broken! They are the best pizzas and I sulked visibly for what was probably much too long for an adult.....

Me and Kerri--great recovery!



at the plastic surgeon to get my bandages off 2 days after surgery

 So here we are, a week later. I am having a lot of pain on my right breast for many reasons, #1 being that it is up so high in my chest and into my armpit it is putting pressure on my lymph nodes. With all of the scar tissue I have in my right breast left over from radiation the implant doesn't just "settle" in like my left did. My doc cut slits inside my right breast in the scar tissue hoping it will be enough so that the implant can slide down a bit, but there is only so much you can do in this situation. So I have a breast that is very high, like collar bone high, and very uncomfortable. We wait 4-6 weeks to see if it settles down, if not, another surgery. At least it is sweater season, my new girls wouldn't be so great in a tank top right now.


two days after surgery



at the plastic surgeon again, 6 days after surgery

Right Boob-6 days post-op (notice how high it is)

Left Boob 6 days post-op

twas the night before surgery

Well tomorrow is the big day. I check in for surgery at 6:00am, with a scheduled surgery time of 8:00am.  I will be getting my expanders and port cath taken out, a wierd chunk of fat/fluid that has built up around my left expander, and silicone implants put in. No, I don't know what size my new girls are going to be, but they will be round, and at this point that is my biggest concern. These square, pointy-ass, expanders have become SO uncomfortable. When I was chubbier it wasn't so bad, the fat cushioned the sharp corners, though I couldn't jog (even with the best of bras) and every once in awhile it felt like I was getting jabbed by an anorexic baby's elbow, but we live and learn.  I have learned that size doesn't matter, it is comfort.................just like the switchover from the ass rubbing thong underwear to the oh-so-heavenly granny panties that cradle your butt cheeks with yards of fabric.  So I did the research and found a study that interviewed women who had breast reconstruction and they chose silicone over saline--the women who chose silicone said their implants were comfortable...............done and done.

I am excited to get the port out--it is about to pop out of my skin and also is uncomfortable. I am just ready to put it all behind me. I understand I may have a few more surgeries in the future to tweak the implants (sometimes they don't turn out so great the first time) but for the most part I will be done.

I also found a lump. Another one. One that feels just like the one I felt over a year ago, on the same side. I know it is probably a cyst, if it is cancer it is some freakishly strong cancer that survived all my treatments...........................  My plastic surgeon is taking it out and it will be sent it pathology.  I am not trusting my intuition all that much, so I don't really know what to say about it. I felt it over a month ago, and told my plastic surgeon at my pre-op.  Time will tell, but the worry will remain.

So keep me in your thoughts tomorrow as I go under the knife.  I will keep my Twitter updated as best I can.  Your thoughts carry me through with grace. Thank you.