Tuesday, December 6, 2011

twas the night before surgery

Well tomorrow is the big day. I check in for surgery at 6:00am, with a scheduled surgery time of 8:00am.  I will be getting my expanders and port cath taken out, a wierd chunk of fat/fluid that has built up around my left expander, and silicone implants put in. No, I don't know what size my new girls are going to be, but they will be round, and at this point that is my biggest concern. These square, pointy-ass, expanders have become SO uncomfortable. When I was chubbier it wasn't so bad, the fat cushioned the sharp corners, though I couldn't jog (even with the best of bras) and every once in awhile it felt like I was getting jabbed by an anorexic baby's elbow, but we live and learn.  I have learned that size doesn't matter, it is comfort.................just like the switchover from the ass rubbing thong underwear to the oh-so-heavenly granny panties that cradle your butt cheeks with yards of fabric.  So I did the research and found a study that interviewed women who had breast reconstruction and they chose silicone over saline--the women who chose silicone said their implants were comfortable...............done and done.

I am excited to get the port out--it is about to pop out of my skin and also is uncomfortable. I am just ready to put it all behind me. I understand I may have a few more surgeries in the future to tweak the implants (sometimes they don't turn out so great the first time) but for the most part I will be done.

I also found a lump. Another one. One that feels just like the one I felt over a year ago, on the same side. I know it is probably a cyst, if it is cancer it is some freakishly strong cancer that survived all my treatments...........................  My plastic surgeon is taking it out and it will be sent it pathology.  I am not trusting my intuition all that much, so I don't really know what to say about it. I felt it over a month ago, and told my plastic surgeon at my pre-op.  Time will tell, but the worry will remain.

So keep me in your thoughts tomorrow as I go under the knife.  I will keep my Twitter updated as best I can.  Your thoughts carry me through with grace. Thank you.


  1. Good luck tomorrow! So funny that you compare expanders and implants to thongs and granny panties. So true.

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  3. Good luck tomorrow! Warm thoughts from Denmark..

  4. Dori - I have just found your blog today and just wanted to say that I think you are amazing! Your journey has been more than shitty and yet you still manage to blog, be positive and soldier on, oh I know you have days where you don't want to and believe me I understand that! but for the most part I am in awe of your strength and your courage.
    I have just undergone a breast ultrasound after having nipple discharge for over a year - I am 38, post hysterectomy (15 years ago) and removal of ovaries 4 years ago. On HRT and currently not taking it til I have clearance. I am FREAKING out until Monday 12th Dec when I get the results of the scan, I saw him take a measurement yesterday near my left lymph/armpit...somehow, reading your blog gives me a sense of peace, as in it won't be easy if it turns out to be BC but it IS do-able..I hope that your surgery went well and you are happy with your new girls and recovering well.

    From Sue, Australia

  5. Hi! Hope your surgery went well and fast recovery!

    I came back from the oncologist today, and was wondering if you knew or had any thoughts of what he said to me. He told me that he doesn't recommend reconstructive surgery for me if I have my entire left boob removed. I asked why, but he didn't really give me details and I was seeing mastectomy in big letters in my head to ask anything else =P

    I posted an audio on my blog.


  6. It's so brave of you to share this experience to your readers, Dori. I hope the lump you found doesn't have anything to do with cancer. I wish you had a speedy recovery.

    -Terry Bayer