burn the white flag.

I have written this blog too many times to count... I think they are for another place and another time. I don't know how the puzzle fits together and the entries are full of raw emotion and a bit of unhinged-thinking. I've decided to keep it simple there are too many moving parts to go off on a rant.


Yes, I know it has been too long. Yes, I realize this needs to be done. No, I don't want to. Yes, I know I need to.

The last time I wrote I was on my way to get gamma-knifed. Post gamma-knife went better than I would have guessed. Other than making my family pose for pictures with me while I was under general sedation and had a medieval looking brace screwed into my head.  Lolli got a bit bigger, then she was on her way out. I have had brain MRIs every 6 months since I was knifed: Lolli began shrinking, turning from a golf-ball to a shrimp, to a pencil eraser size piece of inactive scar tissue. So to sum it up, #lollibdead

I have had multiple PET scans (each separated 6 months apart). The scans are keeping an eye on any changes in my body... cancer trying to show up. There have been no active signs of cancer. Let me repeat: #lollibdead, #endstagecancerfree.

I don't have cancer.

I don't have another PET in 6 months.....I have one in 1 year! My oncologist still feels strongly that Lolli was a result of a few cells breaking off and making their way to my brain. The treatments in the past never breached the blood/brain barrier. In essence allowing those cells to grow for 5 years unchecked, until I had the seizure..... then I gamma-knifed, chemo pills that did breach the barrier (I was only able to do them for a few months, my body couldn't keep it together).

Yesterday, I received the latest PET scan results. Clear.

For now, I feel like you can put a bow on the cancer package.

So... I've lost two tumors, one named Lolli, the other named Scott.

I'm a fucking champ.