I remember when...

I remember when…


-I thought 30 was old (now I will be happy to see 30, or any birthday)

- snowflakes were magic (still do)

-my dad could fix anything (really could have used you for the cancer fixin’ dad, miss you with my whole heart)

-boys were gross (let’s face it, that didn’t last very long)

-I could drink without a headache (….definitely not anymore)

-celebrations were for life changing events (now every day is a positive change and requires celebration)

-cancer was unfamiliar (we are intimate now)

-life had a path and I was staying on it (learning to lean into the curve and take it for what it’s worth)

-things were easy

-growing old was scary (now it is a blessing)

-my toes were ‘little piggies’ and imagination made everything magic

-Santa was real

-life was just a game…………you know the game of life—and I was a pink stick figure with no arms or legs

--in the ‘game of life’, having children was as easy as picking a card—no frozen embryos or tumor loving estrogen found in that box….

--growing old together was set in stone

--doing laundry was a chore (not something I wish I could do)

--my breasts were too small………but at least they were my breasts

--I called myself fat (with no stretch mark to be seen, how skewed the love for my body was then)

--I dreaded school because I had a zit on my face (sad but true)

--I was lost………..(still working my way to being found, and centered, and giving as much love to myself that I do to others)

--grown-ups were so smart and had their shit together, it looked easy

--doctors knew everything….



I remember my life before cancer, a distant memory of something that once was............  Whew, "I should be crying but I just can't let it go."  No matter how many times I tell myself that it will get better, it just hasn't sunk in yet.  Being alive is hard work, good thing I have some great boxing gloves.....