Wednesday, August 8, 2012

sour hope

Well I wish I was greeting you with better news, but you know me, I throw a fit and then apologize later. So here it goes……… implants have to come out, and by come out I mean removed, stolen, sliced, torn, dissected, leaving me with two (what I have lovingly decided to call) “skin holes” for at least 6 weeks. I have images of being able to “tie them over my shoulder” or the old lady Magda’s boobs on There’s Something About Mary (minus the nipples and tan of course) I have no nipples and I already had cancer once, I will pass on the tan—thank you very much.

So here is the story. I have felt shitty since my surgery on the 1st of June. You are aware that I had an intense infection, drains, and more antibiotics than I can count. Nothing seemed to make a dramatic difference, and then rashes, sores, more sores and achiness followed (and has yet to leave). Yesterday Scott and I went to my new plastic surgeon at UW and within minutes he said that my implants had to come out—I am a textbook case of an infection and that there is bacteria that is clinging on for dear life to my implant.  And to put it gingerly my previous plastic surgeon fucked me big time. After the implant migrated to my collar bone on the radiated side there should have NEVER been a surgery to scrape out the tissue. Standard of care would have been to remove said implant and then being a surgery to create a new breast with my own tissue………that didn’t happen (and was also never mentioned) so here I am. I feel cheated. I feel like I should have been given the opportunity to have a fair shot this time around. I blame myself for not doing as much research as I had previously, but come on, really?! It is your job to be a plastic surgeon in 2012, not 1980 so get your shit together.

I heart my new plastic surgeon and he was very polite about telling me how wrong my previous surgeon was. I now just have to wait for insurance to approve the surgery and I will be in the OR as soon as possible to have the implants removed. I will then continuously be dosed with antibiotics and won’t even discuss another surgery to work with my Magda boobs. That will be an image that will take a bit of time getting used to, but if I can finally not be in as much pain I would let you cut off my foot and I would work with it.

Once my body has settled down and the infection, sores, achiness, fevers/chills, anxiety and pain are at a reasonable level we will shake things up some more by doing a very intense surgery that will use skin and fat from my stomach to create new boobs. And then after that another surgery to adjust the fat to make things more symmetrical. I will go into more details later on, because right now my body is literally too sore to type. My eyes are red and raw from crying and I am so drained I think I could sleep until Monday. But I only have these boobs for a little while longer so I plan to push them together in a bra, throw some glitter on them, and my milkshake WILL bring boys to the yard.  But first, a nap.


  1. Dori-

    Although we have never met one another, your continuing battle breaks my heart. I read your blog and continue to be amazed by your strength. The fact that you entitled this portion sour hope shows that you still have hope within you. I wish for you only the best. Sending gentle hugs across the miles to both you and Scott. <3 Aunt Lisa

  2. I didn't know the could reconstruct breasts from your own tissue! That sounds much more pleasant than them sticking foreign objects in your chest. Best of luck on the removal, I hope you start feeling better immediately.

  3. Dori,

    Oh my gosh! Your previous plastic surgeon was such a dolt! I'm so very sorry you are plagued by this infection. It really sucks. I'm sending hugs your way, albeit virtually.

  4. I too have never met you, but have been rooting for you since I started reading your blog before your first surgery. I am so sorry that you are facing another setback with the boob saga, but am super excited to hear that the option of reconstruction with your own tissue has finally been brought up. Back when you had the first set of implants done, there was part of me that wondered if you had heard about this other option. It is truly amazing what they can do with this surgery - I've seen it done many times and never failed to have been amazed. If I am ever faced with this situation, I wouldn't hesitate to do it. And hey, you get a tummy tuck as part of it!

  5. I am praying for you and sending lots of love your way, Dori!

  6. Sweet sweet Dori June. Although I don't remember the last time we really talked. I think of you often. Came across some cheer photos the other day, I remember having so much fun with you that year. Every now and again I come across your blogs and my heart breaks. We never really know why these things happen but you lady.... Are an inspiration, an inspriration of strength. I can only pray that everything gets approved and you are on your way to a fast healthy recovery. Miss you pretty girl.- Sara Stanger

  7. You is is is an inspiration....