Friday, February 4, 2011

Ain't baking no cookies here...

I had a great week, despite Scott having to help me to bed last night and me being unable to shower because my legs, ankles and feet were not reliable enough to stand on....... but, overall it was pretty good.  I met my new primary doc and he is super, a welcomed change from my recent meeting with the Crisco Queen.  I went on two walks, made contact with my employer and cleaned my house--done and done. 

I went to a monthly doula meeting that I sorely missed during my chemo treatments and showed off my "boobs" in the back corner of a tea house.  Whenever I leave those meetings I am energized and it reaffirms what I do in life.......there is something about being surrounded by amazing, passionate, driven, and supportive women that share the energy you do that soothes the soul. 

And this weekend I get to take a course taught by Penny Simkin in Seattle.  If you are unfamiliar with Penny Simkin, you should Google her, she is the inspiration for what I do for a leaving, her work and passion lit the fire under my ass to jump head-first into birth, babies, pregnancy, and doing whatever I can to support women.  I have taken a few classes from her, and try to attend any conference where she is speaking.  My course is on Survivors and Childbirth (survivors of abuse and sexual assault) and I can't wait!!  It will be the first time that I have commitments two days in a row (and ALL day long)....I am nervous that I will be so tired I won't be able to function....but on the other hand I am almost positive that my pure excitement will overrun my tiredness.

And on the Crisco note..............a friend of mine thought it should be tested before I tried anything.................she is a brilliant writer and captured her experience in writing....thank you Tinneca!


Today I heard from Dori

A very dear heart friend
That her gyno told her that Crisco
Could bring certain 'problems' to an end

Apparently it smooths things out
and helps to make things supple
So I had to look into this Crisco thing
and do it on the double!

The details I'm unsure of
And the facts I really don't know
So I just tell my silly self...
What the heck! It's just Crisco!

So I headed to the pantry
for that well known round, blue tin
Grabbed it out of the cupboard

Was I really about to do this?
Spread Crisco on my 'parts'?
Well, if you know me
The answer is YES!

And this is just where my story for Dori starts...

I picked up that big container
full to the brim with that thick white muck
Opened it up...It looked so harmless...
Oh sheeshh...What the fuck!

So I'm standing in the kitchen
and dropped my drawers to the floor
Put one leg on the counter...

I stuttered to explain myself
And then I had to laugh
I just sighed and stopped my blushing
Scooped a gooey handful out
Slathered it on good and thick
Pulled up my drawers, gave her a wink and walked right out!

Oh Crisco, Oh Crisco
I know it sounds so crude
But let me tell you ladies something...
I've NEVER felt so smooth!!

Now Dori, here's where it gets interesting...
No longer an 'R' rating
Because I knew, Crisco and all...
My boyfriend would be home waiting!

So did I mention it to him?
Or do you think he noticed?
(somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Should I share this??")


He noticed right away!
And boy it was so smooth....
That when he tried to get a little bit frisky...
The slickness threw him across the room!!

So if any of you doubt my story
Try it and you will see...
you nether regions will smile with glory
Just like they did for me

Of all the crazy things we'd do for our brave, courageous friend Dori...
I can say with all my heart...
I never thought Crisco would be part of my story!

Oh Crisco Oh Crisco!!

--Written by Tinneca (love you lots!)

1 comment:

  1. Im currently baking cupcakes and never laughed so hard. My tub is yellow from butter flavor.