Wednesday, June 30, 2010

security blanket

7 days ago my life did a 180, my priorities shifted like an iceberg--sending waves through the core of my being. I am not who I was then, my friends, family and loved ones aren't who they were then--we are changed, we are joined, we are in a fight for my life--together. I go through bouts of feeling alone, I am the one who has cancer, I am the one losing the breasts, I am the one unsure of my future, I am the one whose childbearing years are now on the brink, I am the one scared shitless. But I am also the survivor. I am far from a lone warrior in this fight and I would gladly go to battle for others as they have gone for me. 1 out of 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer, I hope I took the bullet. Thank you so much for everyone who has reached out during this time, just 7 days for some, but for me they created the lifeline that will get me through this. That lifeline is created from each post, text, call, email, and message I have received. From the love and support that is jaw dropping and heartwarming. It is hard for me to respond to such an outpouring of support, but I want you to know that I read everything, enjoy the laughs and love, and it is honestly what is getting me through the day, each day, at this point. Don't stop, it sustains me.

7 days and my life flashed before my eyes. I am set on being a survivor, but lets be honest--women die from breast cancer. It is a scary reality that I have taken a hold of, wrapped neatly, and placed deep in the back of my thoughts. Negativity clouds the mind/body connection. I am not a glass 1/2 full type of lady, I can be pessimistic, I overreact, I hold grudges, and occasionally I flip-off the old lady driving 20 on the freeway. I am not the epitome of grace and I can cuss like a sailor. But despite my outlandish flaws I am working on repairing those mind/body connections to help me fight this fight. The saying "I'm not dead yet" has a whole new meaning these days.

7 days ago my biggest concern was......well I don't even think I had a concern. Now my days are packed with worrying, appointments, and trying to stay one step a head of the part of my body battling itself. So thank you once again to those who are wrapping me in warmth and love, everyone needs a security blanket...


  1. I wouldn't know how to handle the huge outpour of support, either. You are indeed doing an excellent job. You inspire me immensely and I am honored to be able to call you a friend. Lots of love from my family to yours.

  2. You don't know me, but you have my support. And I hope this gives you a smile - as I was reading, I thought you wrote that you were scared "shirtless" and it seemed to fit! So glad that you can be yourself - positive and negative - REAL.