Friday, June 25, 2010

yes they're fake, my real ones tried to kill me

First...while driving by the bikini coffee stand on my way to work this morning I became thankfull that my job doesn't require boobs and that I won't be fired because I have cancer.........though on the otherhand I would probably get a raise tied to my cup size....

Second, I am terrified of becoming sick as a dog. Not like, "oh your dog ate some grass" sick, but "the dog ate through the garbage bag sick". Where there is shit and throw-up everywhere, you clean it up, then you find more, then "two weeks later you find some in your closet" sick. I am terrified. Thinking about being sick, but at the same time welcoming the poison being pushed through my veins, brings tears to my eyes and places a large knot in my stomach.

I can do this. I am doing this. I can talk to doctors, do the research, itemize to-do lists and "questions to ask the surgeon" lists. I can do surgery, I can do recovery and I can do no/one/or half of a boob. I am not sure how I will do the treatment after surgery.......I have seen the dogs who ate the garbage....I have been the one to clean up the messes--I guess the best thing is that you keep that damn dog and love it no matter what, even when you find throw-up in your favorite shoes...


  1. I will be there to clean up after you for as long as you need or want. WE WILL DO THIS! We are all terrifed but we are also strong and confident. I send all my love and hugs until I can get there. Mom

  2. You . . . are just so flipping awesome. And yep, you ARE doing this. Reminds me of one of my friends in labor -- she said that when it was really, really hard, her birth team told her, "You ARE doing this." And she said those were the words she needed to hear.

    Thinking of you TONS!

  3. I know, the side effects of radiation/chemo, etc... can be terrifying... there is a chance you might not have it so so bad. When my dad was having his cancer treatments, he didn't lose his hair, for instance.

    I have been hearing about how certain foods are more beneficial to cancer patients too... I'll dig a little deeper into that and send you links and stuff as/if I find it.

    <3 Love ya girl.

  4. We will be sending up prayers for you everyday are a super strong girl who can do this..xxxooo Leslie