Thursday, November 11, 2010

Chemo can't defeat me.

Today was my fourth IV antibiotic round and there is still no change in my boob.  Tomorrow after my 5th round of IV antibiotics, I meet with the oncologist to decide if I need to continue through the weekend, and I am hoping to get a straight answer regarding chemo on Tuesday if my boob remains unchanged.  I have had two rounds of pill antibiotics and now this round of IV antibiotics--all with no improvement or we will see. 

I want to share something that was given to me at my 'Chemo Sucks, Parties Don't' party I had prior to starting chemo.  I have it on my mantle and look at it daily, today it resonated with me and brought tears to my eyes and put a huge smile on my face.  It was written by Jennifer Weston, a doula friend of mine and it is amazing and powerful---and extremely accurate.

(for Dori, the fighter.)

"Out! Out! Damn spot! Be gone with you!" said the brave young fighter
Rising to the taunting of the raging beast inside her.
"You think I'll shrink from this fight? You think that you can beat me?
It's gunna take a whole lot more than chemo to defeat me!
My breast are not the soul of me, though they were soft and pretty
And though I'll mourn their loss, the rest of me is tough and gritty.
I'll take you on, you sonofabitch, you parasite called cancer
And in this fight I may get bruised, but you? You stand no chance, sir!
You ask me why I'm smiling, and I answer, being candid,
"Because I know something you don't know! I am not left handed!"
It may look like you're winning. True, I may puke and loose my curls
But I have some secret weapons in my girls!
Tough women that surround me with their love and healing hope
Will make the strands that strangle you! Around your neck? Their rope.
They cry with me, they laugh with me, they calmly hold the space
From their presence I draw the strength, to spit right in your face.
Standing by my side, and in my heart? My love! My Knight!
When you take me on, you can bet your ass, it's also him you fight.
When I am weak, he'll stand for me, He's my personal Gatorade
Replenishing the strength I need to kick your ass if I start to fade.
So lets get to it! Do your thing. Just try to take me down!
I think you may just find yourself laid flat out on the ground.
See, the only way for you to claim your victory when this fight ends
Is for you to crush my spirit, and that WILL NOT happen friend!
True my boobs are gone, and though the surgeries are a drag
When reconstruction is finally done...Bionic boobs don't sag!
And when you take my hair, well, then I won't have to shave my calves.
(See, to beat you I choose to focus not on my "have nots" but "have's")
And I'll write it down and send it out so others see my pain
If I can touch one other soul, then I'll count it all as gain.
You may have thought that with one blow, I'd run and hide my head
But all you did was show me all the blessings I hold instead.
So if I we're you I'd wave a flag of white and run like hell
Because you're going down, asshole, each and every cell!"

With all that said, the fighter turned and smiled at the sky above.
Walked into the circle of her tribe, into their light and love.

They linked their hands and hearts, and then with one voice a might roar they cried
'You may have won a battle,
but you WILL NOT win this war!!"