turkey shmerky

My counts are officially in the "safe" range--so I no longer have to get the pain inducing shots and I went to the oncologist today to get the access to my port taken out (no more tubes!) and I don't have to go in for daily shots and fluids anymore!!!  My body is still in recovery mode and I am waiting for my stomach to get its shit together because I am sick of it hurting--but I feel it just goes with the territory.  All in all my body is on the mend from low counts and my 5th round of chemo....

I am a little disappointed that I don't have champagne and orange juice to look forward to in the morning, and a few other scattered disappointments, but just feeling like getting out of bed makes for a pretty good holiday at this point--beggars can't be choosers.  Of course my crazy husband is doing the Turkey Trot in the morning (and also running a half marathon this weekend in Seattle)--I have yet to determine if I will be witnessing either of these events...........it is cold outside, my bones are already sore and "I have cancer" (it works for everything).  

Thanksgiving brings out the best in people (or so I hear) I think it is a bit funny that only one day a year people take the time to give thanks.......I have always been one of those people.  I was just (or so I thought) too fucking busy to do it any other time....so the one day I would do it, but it is also mixed with family tradition and stress....................I find the champagne and OJ eliminates the stress in most occasions.  I am far from thankful that I have cancer, but I am thankful for the stuff that has fallen through the cracks of cancer....I now take the time for myself and others---I slow down and make the space.  I have been surrounded by love and support and am able to see what was around me when I was too busy to see it before. I have been forced to slow down and have looked fear in the face and was shown a mirror to my own demise....only to give thanks.

I am thankful to be alive and to give a face and voice to what cancer can do to you--and how it can steal you away from your life.  Cancer is busy taking away things in my life...my breasts, my hair, my lymph nodes, fertility, a restful nights sleep...............so I remain thankful for what I have left and what I will create from cancer.

On the eve of the day of thanks I encourage you to not only be thankful but to be thankful to have each day.  My thoughts have narrowed to be thankful for small things, like being able to get out of bed or remain out of the hospital for the holidays.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade...then find someone life handed vodka to and have a party.