but now at 2:30am I am just tired and want to get some sleep before I have to wake up and jump into chemo..........unfortunately we know this probably won't be the case.
My life with cancer has been anything but easy--name a side-effect and I have gotten it, I have been hospitalized, had numerous ER visits and felt like shit, I have wanted to die, I have wanted to live and I have questioned what I have done in my life to be put through this amount of torment. I love what cancer has made me realize, the things I hold dear and the amount of importance I now place on daily activities---but what I don't love is the fact I will fight this battle for the rest of my life. No one, NO ONE, deserves that.
Now that I am done with chemo I still have a few more weapons in my arsenal to fight cancer, I will remain in treatment for 5 and a half years. I look forward to being a foster mom and becoming healthy during this time....................but I still remain covered in goose bumps when I think about the ticking time bomb that remains inside of me, a part of my DNA.............
Tonight was my final Chemo Eve, what a great time with good frozen pizza, booze and friends/family. Chemo Eve gives me a good emotional place to being the battle with chemo, I have to say that it was a brilliant idea and I encourage those going through treatment to have a Chemo Eve Party and surround yourself with those who you love to bring as much positive energy to chemo the following day as possible--it has sustained me. I also think holistic therapies have made it easier for my body to handle chemo (massage, acupuncture, Ayurveda and numerous supplements).
I am too exhausted to say anything profound but I look forward to my first blog after I come out of my 'chemo fog' in a week or so...........thank you for all your positive thoughts, energy and love, I couldn't have fought this fight without you.
|cancer, cancer, and more cancer|
"Twas the night before chemo, as I sit up in bed,
Thoughts of living and dying float through my head.
My chemo bag is on a hook by the door,
My blanket is folded and ready on the floor.
My husband in nestled all snug in our bed,
While visions of running and athletic stuff dance in his head.
Me in my moo moo and slippers too,
I count down the hours, now it’s just a few.
5 chemos down and just one more to go,
I look forward to a healthy holiday with snow,
Scott’s snoring creates such a clatter,
I hit him with a pillow and just get madder.
The moon doesn’t sit on my breast, there is no new fallen snow,
I had cancer you see, and my breasts had to go.
No reindeer, Santa or even a nipple,
My spirit remains strong, it has yet to cripple.
My lovely husband so lively and quick,
I knew when I met him he wasn’t a prick,
More rapid than eagles my fears begin to take over,
I really could use a good luck clover."
But a clover I yet to find, the love of friends and family keep me alive. There are not enough words to thank each of you..............I am as strong as all of you combined and with that dedication, support and love. I have tackled cancer head on and put my fear a side. I am a survivor because you believe in me.
Tomorrow I face my last chemo, tomorrow I begin the rest of my life, tomorrow I am what you knew I could be.