let's chew the fat

Scott & I

Well folks, I hope you are sitting down.............I feel a bit better today.  I have pulled myself out of the pit of woe-is-me and laughed, smiled and joked.  It honestly didn't have anything to do with me, I just physically felt better and when I can keep away from the hospital or toilet for longer than 10 minutes, can stand up straight and can keep food and water down--you would be surprised how fast your mood swings in the up direction.

Unfortunately feeling better has nothing to do with my oncologist appointment I had this morning, but everything to do with my ER visit last night.  I hadn't kept food down in days and was starting to not hold fluids down either, Saturday night I spent on the bathroom floor throwing up stomach acid........Scott was pretty persistent to take me to the ER but I refused (did I mention I am super stubborn?).  Then when Sunday rolled around and it continued it was easier to persuade me.........Scott wanted me to go in before he got off work so he wouldn't have to go back after he got off.  So I caved, called Kerri, and to the ER we went. 

Happy Holidays!

I dislike hospitals a lot.  That is where sick people go......but unfortunately I am sick, and I am an ER frequent flyer.  I am so thankful that Scott works at a hospital that is close to our house and that has a fantastic ER and staff.  Prior to deciding to go to the ER I received a phone call from Scott and he told me that he was given a card signed by a lot of the ER staff and a hefty monetary donation.  I was brought to tears, lots and lots of tears.  Not only have these people seen me on a pretty regular basis clogging up their ER with my family, but Scott is new to the hospital.  Unbelievable.....what amazing people!  So to the ER I went, where I went straight back to a room (it was also pretty slow) and saw a great doc (who I have seen before) and my favorite part.........they listen to me, understand where I am coming from, know the meds I need and get right to it!  I was a bit worried that it wasn't going to work........pumped full of nausea meds and I was still dry-heaving and having lots of stomach pain. But after some more meds I fell asleep for a bit and the pain and nausea subsided!! So I got to go home--I was a bit worried that I was going to get admitted again, which is why I was so reluctant to go the night before.  Thank you ER Staff!!!!

So I am on pain medication to help with the intense, sharp, crazy pain in my stomach (that is still continuing today).  I went to my oncologist, was in tears telling him about the pain.........and was told to call if it didn't get better and was sent on my way.  Well fuck, couldn't you have told me that on the phone and I could have slept in past 7:45am?!  But on the plus side I felt well enough today to eat 2 decent meals, go to a movie with Scott and even brave the craziness that is Target this close to Christmas. Victory is mine!  Though probably not for long because as I write my intense pain is coming back....and I already took my pain pill.

But for now I feel half-ass normal so I will take what I can get.  I took another shower today, that is 3 in a row, doing pretty good here.  And let me tell you that I have the chub-rub from hell.  If you read that and have no idea what I am talking about, then you have thighs that have that empty space in-between them......I don't.  So when I wear my oh-so-sexy-cancer moo-moo's (yep, that is plural) my thighs rub together--so it is great that I can get out of bed, but my thighs pay the price....

Scott and I have conversations about what would happen if zombies attack and we both agreed he would have to put me down because (even when healthy) I am not the outdoorsy survivor-type and I would hold him back.  He told me that if there was an attack by zombies he wouldn't eat me because he wouldn't want "catch" my cancer. Instead he would just put me down, then eat our basset hound Lucy.........

yep, he would eat that pretty face

I scheduled my next infusion, which will be Herceptin only, for January 7th.  It is only going to be about 45 minutes and the side effects are much less than chemo..........so it should be a "smoother" ride than before.  Today my oncologist actually said "it's a broad stretch but think of it like taking a Tums."  I know that was supposed to make me feel better (I think it did help Scott) but it sort of felt like punching me in the eye.  What if I do have the side effects?! God knows I have had almost every awful chemo side effect, who knows how I will react.......does that mean I can't take Tums?!  Treatment is treatment is treatment.  It is hard and it all reminds you that you have cancer. So yes I am excited that it is just Herceptin...........but it can cause heart failure and a barrage of other problems, it ain't no Tums.


I am waiting for the day that I wake up and don't have to take medication to make my body move.  I am looking forward to the days where I get to hug all the people who have been sending me love, support, positive thoughts, prayers, and everything else in their bag of tricks!!! When I can have a normal week of work, a date night with my hubby, friends, and get to be around babies and mamma's again!!!  Normalcy will trickle back into my life in bits and pieces, I can't wait until the puzzle comes together!

I miss births SO much! Great new family!!!

My stomach is starting to hurt like hell, but I am not running to the toilet so the day ends well in my book.  Oh, and I bought new pants today! Don't get too excited..............they were XL mens sweatpants............goodbye chub-rub (and any possible style), hello comfy.