a new normal

part of a wonderful care package!

I am much less emotionally unhinged today, so that was a welcomed change.  I had physical therapy this morning.  My right arm (the side that had many lymph nodes removed) has been feeling heavy, that is a sign of lymphedema......so I scheduled to see my PT.  He took more measurements and compared them to the measurements at my first visit--tomorrow I should get a phone call with the results.  If my right arm is more than 10% larger than my left then I may have to wear a sleeve to help decrease the chances of lymphedema.  But because I am on steroids with chemo there is a good chance that it is swollen from the water weight and just upping my lymphedemic massage may help---not to mention all the love and positive energy I have received!  I will be doing the massage daily, it is getting more difficult because my fingers are numb....

Despite the heavy arm I am feeling better than after any of the past chemos.  Don't get me wrong, it is a bitch and I felt really shitty for the week after chemo (the worst yet).  But today I feel somewhat normal.  I even was even able to stay up (without any naps) and visit with a great friend this evening (love you Allison!)---it was normal.  Well somewhat normal, prior to cancer I never would have pulled down my shirt so she could take a look at my "boobs" and discuss the addition of extra skin for nipples or to have them tattooed on in 3D....but that is my new normal...I chose to embrace it.

I am looking forward to the weekend.  Scott is running his second marathon so we are traveling to Portland Saturday and then he will run with my father-in-law on Sunday.  I also get to celebrate my sisters engagement tomorrow night--a full weekend, just like before cancer.  I know I will have to sit a lot while watching the race (my mom made sure I had a chair that I will bring) and it won't be like his last race where I stood for hours and walked like a mile for coffee................new normal, got it.  I will be the chubby, somewhat bald, scarf wearing, very sweaty, wife of an athletic, running crazed man sitting in a lounge chair on the side of the marathon course............if somehow a beer could be placed in my hand it would be paradise.

My new thing is bloody noses..........