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Thursday, October 7, 2010

a new normal

part of a wonderful care package!
I am much less emotionally unhinged today, so that was a welcomed change.  I had physical therapy this morning.  My right arm (the side that had many lymph nodes removed) has been feeling heavy, that is a sign of lymphedema......so I scheduled to see my PT.  He took more measurements and compared them to the measurements at my first visit--tomorrow I should get a phone call with the results.  If my right arm is more than 10% larger than my left then I may have to wear a sleeve to help decrease the chances of lymphedema.  But because I am on steroids with chemo there is a good chance that it is swollen from the water weight and just upping my lymphedemic massage may help---not to mention all the love and positive energy I have received!  I will be doing the massage daily, it is getting more difficult because my fingers are numb....

Despite the heavy arm I am feeling better than after any of the past chemos.  Don't get me wrong, it is a bitch and I felt really shitty for the week after chemo (the worst yet).  But today I feel somewhat normal.  I even was even able to stay up (without any naps) and visit with a great friend this evening (love you Allison!)---it was normal.  Well somewhat normal, prior to cancer I never would have pulled down my shirt so she could take a look at my "boobs" and discuss the addition of extra skin for nipples or to have them tattooed on in 3D....but that is my new normal...I chose to embrace it.

I am looking forward to the weekend.  Scott is running his second marathon so we are traveling to Portland Saturday and then he will run with my father-in-law on Sunday.  I also get to celebrate my sisters engagement tomorrow night--a full weekend, just like before cancer.  I know I will have to sit a lot while watching the race (my mom made sure I had a chair that I will bring) and it won't be like his last race where I stood for hours and walked like a mile for coffee................new normal, got it.  I will be the chubby, somewhat bald, scarf wearing, very sweaty, wife of an athletic, running crazed man sitting in a lounge chair on the side of the marathon course............if somehow a beer could be placed in my hand it would be paradise.

My new thing is bloody noses..........


1 comment:

  1. So glad you are getting out and making the most of those few days that you can actually enjoy. Its sooo important to get out and feel the air and the people that love you. It really helps the psychie and makes the chemo less of a burden. You are continually being embraced in thought and prayer by all of us who love you. If good thoughts could take it all away it would be gone a long time ago. Keep up the fight and we'll keep up the positive thoughts. Remember to laugh, its the best medicine you can give yourself.

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