Sunday, July 11, 2010
"How do you feel?"
I keep getting asked the question, "how do you feel?" So I thought I would take some time to answer it....
I feel a lump in my breast. I feel the tears that rush to my eyes, and hold on the brink of a waterfall when I think of the road to come and others who have taken the path before me.
I feel ashamed for being consumed with myself and not connected with women who have walked the road before me. I feel guilty when I go to bed feeling sorry for myself, when there are others in different shoes, struggling...alone.
I feel alone, even when I am surrounded by those who love me.
I feel angry--at the world, at myself, at my body.
I feel like a want a donut.
I feel like ripping open a pillow and throwing stuffing everywhere.
I feel strong.
I feel a lump in my throat.
I feel like hiding under the covers.
I feel like laughing and crying at the same time.
I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone.
I feel like I want to talk to everyone.
I feel that we need more aggressive research.
I feel like women are the strongest beings on the planet.
I feel supported.
I feel loved.
I feel lucky to be who I am.
I feel held.
I feel nurtured.
I feel tortured.
I feel like I am sick of having to feel.
I feel terrified.
I feel out of control.
I feel like I am blooming into something beautiful.