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Friday, July 30, 2010

batshit crazy


“my boys are ready, I’ve been giving them pep talks everyday”-scott when discussing egg extraction and fertilization tomorrow

"don't put all your eggs in one basket"
Well shit, that is exactly what I am doing. Tomorrow at 9am I check in, will have my eggs extracted while under sedation, and should get a phone call by the afternoon letting us know how many were fertilized..........all in one basket. Then the basket that the eggs should be in (my ovaries) are going to be put through the ringer, fried, fried some more, and shrivel. So I am hoping that the basket in Reno remains secure.........

I have also come to the realization that life is pretty crazy. Not just, "haha" crazy, but "batshit" crazy. All of this is crazy, the next 6 months will be the roller coaster of hell..........but I in a twisted batshit crazy way I have become intrigued...even excited to see how I come out on the other side. I know this rosy disposition won't last for long, and it probably has to do with the glass of wine I just finished--but I will take what I can get at this point.

Also I have come to realize that expectations of any kind are unrealistic. I don't know how my body will react to the next procedure, to chemo, even to rest...so I need to stop putting pressure on myself to "get back on the horse". I have decided to "shoot the gap" (I have been watching a lot of TV) take advantage of opportunities when available and sit back for the ride. I am going to be videotaping my experience with chemo so you can all ride beside me.......

So here I am, full of monster hormone driven eggs, not looking forward to tomorrow--but am happy to have tomorrow all the same.

4 comments:

  1. I need some of that wine you're drinking. They should change the name for menopause to batshit crazy. Yeah, that's the ticket.

    Love you D.

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  2. I'm drinking a black & blue (a derivative of a black and tan), I raise my glass to a successful surgery and fertilization for you and Scott tomorrow! <3

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  3. "My frame was not hidden from Thee,
    When I was made in secret,
    And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.
    Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance;
    And in Thy book they were all written,
    The days that were ordained for me,
    When as yet there was not one of them."
    Psalm 139:15-16

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