chemo sucks, parties don't

Well I have been to work the last three days, wahooo! It has been a breath of fresh air and has given me something to do. I went to do some shopping for the party on Saturday and it was twisted. I bought pink decorations, a shit pot of beer, a multi-daily 4x pill container, a ear thermometer, hand sanitizer, and some other things. The checkout woman asked if I was throwing a party, I said yes. Then she asked if I took care of an elderly relative, I said no. She asked what I was doing and I said "well I have breast cancer and am throwing a party, and I am getting things gathered for when I start chemo." She said nothing...not even have a nice day......

I love parties. Throughout my life there has been many different definitions for what I would call a "party"--all fun and in my life for a reason. I enjoy the commotion of people, new connections, hugs, and getting to catch up on what is going on with others. A lot of "parties" in my past I don't remember---those parties weren't necessarily in honor of anything. History of parties with too much alcohol aside, I love parties. So, tomorrow I am having a party. A bitter-sweet, kick-in-the-ass, slap-in-the-face kind of party. I get to see lots of people that I love, newly in my life and the long lost. I get to laugh, smile, hug, and I am sure shed a few tears. The problem is that it's not like I had left the country and just came back from a trip, or had a baby, or some sort of happy life changing event--it's not even a game night for god sake. It's because I have cancer, it's because I am sick, it is because people feel sorry for me, because people don't know what to do, because people need to see me in the flesh to know that I am still ticking, it is because I have to have chemo, it is because my life has been ripped and stripped of security.............it is because I will be so sick in the future that I won't be able to be around people. I will be isolated (literally)----alone with cancer.

Despite the reason for the party, I am really excited. Take a last look at me with hair because soon it will be gone. Take a picture of me smiling because soon my eyes will be sunken in and tired. Hugs tomorrow because soon my joints will be too sore to touch, spend time with me now because soon I won't have the energy.

The next 6 months are "trial and error" and I get to be the guinea pig. I never liked guinea pigs--they have weird little fingers....I guess I will learn to adapt, it's not like pin cushions are all that neat and I have been one for over a month...

On a more medical note--I have my PET scan scheduled for next Friday, my lymphedema therapy and my chemo teach. I am heading home to visit family after the party for a few days--then back to Tacoma for more tests........

Cancer has taken over my schedule--but not my life.