Saturday, September 25, 2010
it was my birthday, I can cry if I want to
I am no longer a 26 year old with cancer, I am a 27 year old.......and that damn cancer is still hanging around........and so is some of my hair. My hair is thinned and buzzed....Scott tells me I look like a soldier. I find that fitting I guess, I am sort of fighting cancer for my life--I will take soer, I will also take SURVIVOR.
I haven't posted for awhile, I haven't been sleeping. I know I have wrote about that a lot, but I haven't slept AT ALL. I guess it is for about 30 minutes at a time and that spreads out through all 24 hours. It had been about 3 days of no sleep and as a result I am unable to type a sentence that made any sense. Last night my body finally gave in and I slept. Scott and I had a date planned...he had a Friday night off--very, very rare. We were going to go dinner and a movie=picture perfect. That night never happened. I was able to make it to my pre-chemo appointment and then home, still exhausted. I tried all day to sleep, with no luck. Scott said he was tired and wanted to take a nap and joined me. He fell asleep within seconds (lucky, lucky boy) and I was also able to fall asleep! And even though our date nights are very very rare, Scott let me sleep. He brought me dinner, watched TV in bed and let me sleep.........I woke up for a bit, and then was able to fall asleep again too.....for a majority of the night. I felt like I won the lottery! I was somewhat rested when I woke up this morning, a feeling I had almost forgot about. Best date night EVER.
I am enjoying today's sunny day from bed. I can't feel my feet, they are numb....again. Not only have I been tired for the last few days, I haven't been able to feel my fingers.......difficult when typing. Today they are a little better, but my feet are numb, except for the outside......so I walk funny and not very far. Lucky for me I have two dogs who are super lazy and they enjoy when I am in bed all day.....that means they get to be too.
My home town had a spaghetti feed last night to raise money for my medical expenses. I come from a very small town. Growing up you knew everyone, they knew you, your parents, your grandparents and quite possibly your great grandparents. My parents are both from there, as well as their parents. The spaghetti feed was at the high school. I wish I could have been there, but germs, nausea, and my inability to walk prohibited me from the drive over. I have received such amazing support from Okanogan I don't know how I will repay and express enough gratitude, there really aren't enough words. I was unappreciative in high school (yes I am aware that most high school kids are). At the time I didn't realize how important community was.....now I couldn't live without it. Everyone knowing me, my parents, my grandparents, etc... is what has motivated donations, fund raisers, supporters, prayers, postitive thoughts and love from my small town. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Many, many times over.
My 3rd round of chemo is Tuesday...that marks my half way point with this particular treatment. I will have to continue Herceptin for another 6 months, but it won't be as rough as the chemo. Then the estrogen pill for 5 years. If all goes as planned I will then have my treatment complete. I am looking forward to those 5 years. It gives Scott and I a cushion of time to be together, save money, and make up for this chemo experience. We were trying to get pregnant when this whole thing started, now we know we can't go the old-fashioned route and we have to wait 5 years. Then we can look forward to another birthday, a very, very special birthday.
As for my 28th birthday next year....it's going to be one hell of a party!